Because I love you
by 0utlier
Summary: A one or two or three shot of episode 4x11 "Catch me if you can." Delena all the way . . . Just made to express my Delena love. Please read and review and let me know if I should continue!
1. Chapter 1

**(Hello everyone… Honestly I just made this because I love Damon so much. XD I'm totally a Delena fan. Damon just broke my heart in this episode (4x11)… when he said "I'm sorry" I felt like crying because I didn't feel like it was because he was sorry he was going to kill Jeremy, but it was because he was sorry he had to leave her. I think that he finally realized that no one was going to help them and that the only way he could save Jeremy…Elena's humanity…was for him to die. He knew his fate. God, I love him so much. I'm so sick of Stelena fans calling him selfish. Grr… Okay... anyway… This is meant just to be a one or two shot.. may go on for a few chapters. I hope you all like it (: Let me know if you think I should continue. It will most definitely deviate somewhat from the storyline, if not a lot, lol. If you have any ideas or constructive critism, I'd love to hear it. Thanks! R&R!)**

"Damon, stop!" Elena screamed, running as fast as she possibly could, her newborn strength and speed not nearly enough. _I can't keep up with him, _she thought, unable to believe how things could have changed so fast, unable to believe the stark fear running through her veins. How could she be afraid of Damon, _Damon_, the man who had always been there for her, the man who had always loved her? Someone who had protected her, no matter the costs to himself, for days on end? Who would do anything for her. _Anything. _Even force her to leave him when it was _finally _right for them to be together, when it was _finally _their time.

She knew Damon. She knew his faults, but also knew _him, _all of him. Elena knew his kindness and his tenderness, knew the familiar glimmer in his striking blue eyes, knew the softness of his lips, lips that had left her own sore with longing. Most importantly, she knew that he didn't want to do this. He didn't want to do this to her, in fact, it killed him to do this to her . . . and he didn't want to do this to Jeremy, who she knew he cared about, even if he'd never admit it because it could compromise the stony walls he built around himself, the things he did to make people think he was cold, or arrogant, or cruel, when he was none of things—all to cover himself, like clothes.

She finally reached him. "Damon, _please _stop. I know you don't want to hurt Jeremy. I _know _you don't." The desperation was there in her voice and suddenly her fear made sense. She wasn't afraid of Damon—how could she be? She was afraid for her brother because deep down she that Damon _couldn't _stop, afraid for Damon, afraid of the steps he'd surely take _to _stop because above all, he _couldn't _hurt _her, _not now, not like this.

Damon did in fact stop, it taking everything he had to. _Kill him, _the compulsion sang. _You know you want to. You have to. You can't fight it. Not for him, not for yourself. _Not even for her. He looked back, his eyes full of pain. "_I can't." _The words obviously pained him, because for just a moment it wasn't Jeremy he was afraid of hurting, it was Elena. He couldn't hurt her. He did ghastly things, _deplorable_ things. He never did the right thing. He lied to his brother, he fell in love with his girl—he _never _did the right thing. He did what he wanted to do. He didn't have the strength to do anything else—he hadn't even had the strength to send _her _away, not really. He hadn't had the strength to really break the sire bond, to tell her to forget him, to never think of him again, to forget whatever feelings she had for him. Yes, he did horrible things…but this he couldn't do. He couldn't hurt her, he couldn't take away what could be her humanity, when she was obviously his.

"Yes you can," She argued, stepping forward and closing the distance between them, her dark, mysterious irises sparkling in the night, her fear and desperation echoing in them. She was so beautiful, he thought. So beautiful that it hurt him. Even in the night, in the middle of the forest with true danger descending upon them, he could notice her perfect olive skin and long black brown hair, hair that he knew was long and silky and dark both because he'd spent a lot of time studying it and because he'd ran in fingers through it. Despite Jeremy's blood tainting the air, he could smell her, smell the lavender that made him melt. "I know you can," she continued, voice encouraging, full of hope that broke his heart even further. She could believe in him, even now, even when he couldn't believe in himself. She knew he couldn't break the compulsion—_she had to-_yet she pushed on anyway. Hearing that hope in her voice… it tore his already shredded heart in to even smaller pieces, pieces he was sure could never come back together. "You're strong enough to resist the compulsion, Damon, I _know _you are."

The pain in his eyes broke her heart. _I can't._ His words echoed in her mind, over and over again. Two words filled with such _agony_, such hopelessness. Damon was one of those people who should always be smiling; he was someone who should always be there to make snarky comments that would either spark one of two things in her, a rolling of her eyes or laughter. He shouldn't have ever had to of felt that pain.

Yet he had. Over and over again. His father had hurt him. Katherine had hurt him; _she _had hurt him, time and time again. But despite all of that… she knew she had hurt him the most. That _this _had hurt him the most. It was one thing for her to reject him, but this… this was different. There was something inside him, she knew, that had wanted nothing more than to protect her, and so he had. To give her everything she wanted, she needed. He would keep her safe, even if she hated him for it.

It was something entirely different for him to deny her something, to have nothing left to give her.

"Why because Stefan did?" Bitterness laced his words as he turned away, Jeremy's blood calling to him, the compulsion daring him to defy it. It felt as if there were iron chains pulling Damon toward him, unbreakable chains, an unbreakable force. He kept trying to think about something else, _anything _else, to think about what Elena had said to him the other night.

_I love you, Damon. I love _you. He thought about the excitement in her voice, the happiness at this realization. He pictured her smile, her beautiful, bright smile, something so different than the look on her face now, so different than the tears in her eyes. 

"No! Because I _love _you! Because you love _me_!" Elena countered, taking another step forward, passion in her words, paired with love and even a bit of anger. She analyzed his beautiful features, his eyes, ruffled raven hair, high cheekbones, a kind, gentle face, one that turned flirty and awry when he laughed or angelic and tender when he kissed…

It was true, she couldn't be positive that wasn't the sire bond. But after all that they'd been through…she didn't care anymore. She loved him, and it felt real, more real than anything she'd ever felt before in her entire life…and _that _was what mattered.

He turned back to her, her words hitting him with full force. _Because I love you, because you love me!_ Damon couldn't help but repeat those words in his head. _Because I love you. _

It went against everything he'd ever believed; it was impossible.

Yet…In that moment, he finally believed that she loved him. Maybe it _was_ the sire bond, but in some way, she loved him, loved him like no one else had loved him before.

She knew he would do anything for her. He would die before he let anything happen to her. Time and time again he'd proved that. When he'd stayed by her side as she'd tried to free Stefan over and over again, not caring about the cost to himself, when he'd fended off Kol . . . _Don't touch her, _he'd said fiercely. "And I know that you would do _anything_ for me. So _please, _do this for me."

This time, the pain was clear on his face. He looked at the ground, as if he couldn't look at her anymore. He couldn't see the faith in her eyes, faith in him, couldn't see the desperation. Couldn't bear to see the love.

Elena stepped forward, forcing him to look at her as a tear fell down her cheek. It was so different than all of the other times they'd been together… he'd always comforted her, made sure she was okay. And now it was her turn. She pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I love you, Damon."

Suddenly, a drop of blood fell from the tree, her brother's blood.

That was when it all went to hell. They both could hear Jeremy's breathing, his struggle.

He couldn't resist any longer—the pull was too strong.

"_I'm sorry, Elena," _He told her, words full of anguish, his face changing…changing to something darker. More sinister.

And then he was gone.

He hadn't said that because he was going to kill Jeremy, she realized. It was because he…

It was because he was going to leave her—he was going to do what she asked… something that would inevitably destroy her in an entirely different way.

** (R&R!)**


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't that Damon hadn't heard Elena yell after him, that he hadn't heard her pleading for him to stop, heard her frantic, beautiful voice. He had. But he couldn't… and she knew that. The compulsion was too strong. It was like he was drowning, sinking faster and faster, unable to reach air, air he so desperately craved. He was encased in iron chains and no matter how hard he thrashed about; he couldn't break free of them. It was almost comical. Lately it seemed as if he was always bound in some way, boxed in by either something supernatural—hell, he _was _supernatural-or by what people thought.

All he'd wanted was to be with her… for it to be right. For it to _finally _be right. But clearly, the world had a different agenda—because _no one_ was rooting for them and above all else, he would never be positive that she loved him, that his undying, unconditional love was requited as long as the sire bond was still intact, as long as she was a vampire, doomed to the future she never had wanted. And now… now they would never have chance, and he would be one of the many people to leave her. He would be the next person she had to mourn… and he wouldn't be there to help her, to hold her. He would be gone, he would have left her, and that pained him almost as much as the thought of being the one to take the last thing she had away from her.

His feet were moving before he'd fully formed a conscious thought. _"Damon, please!" _she cried, _"Please stop!"_ He _was_ going to stop—didn't she know that? He had no other alternatives. If he lived, Jeremy died. And if Jeremy died, something in Elena would die to—and the thought of her losing him, losing the last piece of her family…it was too painful to bear.

_I'm s_o_rry, _he'd said. _I'm sorry I have to leave you. I'm sorry that I will never hold you again. I'm so, so sorry._

There was a reason he'd said he'd be happy alone. It wasn't because he thought he'd actually be happy—after all, how could he be? It was because he thought that if he loved someone—loved someone the way he loved Elena—and then if fell apart, he might not make it. How many losses could he deal with until she broke? It's easier to be alone, because what if he learned that he needed love…and then didn't have it? What if he'd learned that he needed her…and then she was gone? What if he liked it? And leaned on it? Could he even survive that kind of pain?

The answer was no. He couldn't. Which was why he said what he said as he reached  
Jeremy's pale figure, stared into those brown eyes that his sister shared. "Shoot now, Jeremy."

Jeremy looked up at him, holding the gun in his shaking hands. "I…I can't." He was battered and bloody…something made it nearly impossible for Damon to stand where he stood, to stall any longer.

"God, Jer. _Come on. _You don't like me remember? I _killed _you. Kill me before I kill you… because I can only stall for so damn long!" Damon yelled, voice almost pleading.

The boy raised his gun slightly but faltered as footsteps approached them. Elena had reached them, her face contorted with fear, tear stains on her cheeks. "_She loves you. _I can't…"

Elena moved forward into Damon's path, unsure of what to do. She couldn't take him down, not by herself.

_I can't protect Jeremy._

_ I can't protect Damon. _

It wasn't fair. She'd grown used to feeling helpless as a human—even she couldn't deny that being human didn't exactly make her prime material for the battle fronts. But now that she was a vampire? It just wasn't fair… she wasn't supposed to feel this useless.

She took a step closer to Damon, wanting to wrap her arms around him. He was frozen in place, watching Jeremy with wide eyes.

So she waited. She glanced at her brother and then at Damon, losing herself in his strikingly blue eyes, her body trembling. A few seconds passed before he finally broke the silence, his body arching forward unwillingly, pain in his face. "I know you think that I don't care about you, but I do." Something about this startled all of them. Damon didn't willingly admit that he cared about anyone. Alaric had been the only friend he'd ever really had. "So Jer, _please _shoot. If you don't…I'm going to _kill_ you." His voice was breathless, something that neither of the siblings have heard before.

"No!" Elena screamed, just as Jeremy pulled the trigger.

Damon would never be able to say how the next series of events took place. One second, the bullet was heading toward him and the next he was up against a tree, Stefan pressed up against him.

With a sharp pain, the world went black.

She stared down at Damon's limp, unmoving figure as she sat kneeled beside him, hands trailing over him nervously. The moment kept replaying in her mind, the moment where Stefan had appeared out of nowhere and had broken Damon's neck, affectively subduing him. Logic told her that he'd be fine, but that made the moment no less traumatizing for her. She knew that it was stupid; that she should be glad that Stefan had contained him—because it meant that he was safe. It meant that Jeremy was safe, for now anyway. Stefan had a sly smile on his face, "Goodbye, brother," he said, voice humorous. It irked her to her core but she tried to ignore it and focus on the fact that he _had _helped him. He _had _saved Damon's life, as well as possibly her brother's.

Elena reluctantly turned away from him after placing a brief kiss on his lips and went to her brother, biting her wrist and placing it against his mouth, forcing him to drink it, completely ignoring his complaints. Then she hugged him tightly with everything she had, feeling like she was being torn in a million different directions. He was stiff at first but then hugged her back.

"I'm sorry that you keep losing so many people," Jeremy said to his sister, voice rough. She'd said the exact same thing to him a long time ago.

She pulled back took look him in the eye. "I didn't lose him, Jer…And I didn't lose _you. _I still have you," she said, forcing a smile for him and wiping the remainder of tears off her face.

"Thank you, Stefan. Thank you for saving my brother. And thank you for saving yours."

**( Hey guys :D Thank you for reading another chapter (: **

**Guest: I know right…? Ugh, it pisses me off so much. Stefan just kind of annoys me in general. I know that Elena hurt him, but she honestly didn't do anything wrong. They had broken up—OVER Damon. It wasn't like it was a huge surprise—or it shouldn't have been. Elena needs someone who loves her for her—and Damon does; he said it himself. He loved her either way. Besides… anyone notice that Damon always saves her ass even after she hurts him? And Stefan just says "screw you, I'm busy being too much of a brat at the moment to try and save your life. I love you but not that much." Damon's one of the most selfless people on the show. Thank you for reviewing (:**

**WriteatMidnight: I'll definitely check it out! I LOVE reading Delena stories.. they give me hope, lol. I'll get what Julie Plec (Bitch) won't give me from them, lol. I TOTALLY AGREE. Damon is such a complex character who is always changing but still very much the same…he covers himself with all of his faults—like clothes. Elena said it herself: everything he's done, every move he's made…it's been for love, which I have to say, is SOOOO attractive. Anyway… I feel you. I do the same thing. When I write other stories I take little bits and pieces of him and tuck them away…I can't think of any way to make him a better character. He's so complicated.. yet simple. Kind of in the way Elena is. She annoys me a lot, but she's always willing to die for the people she loves, something Damon shares. Damon is just so human, so full of humanity and amazingness and he doesn't even know it. If he did, he'd ditch MF and find someone who deserve his awesomeness, lol. Maybe me? Hahaha, no… I wish. *drools* Thank you for reviewing (:**

**Impulse53669: Thank you so much! You made me go smiley :D Hahaha. I'm glad that someone sees him the way I see him. I'm so glad you commented(:**

**Thank you for all the follows, favorites, etc, and OF COURSE, reviews. You guys are great :DDDD)**


	3. Chapter 3

"You going to see Damon?" Stefan said, stepping in to Elena's path. His voice was flippant, nonchalant—as if everything about what had happened to night hadn't hurt him. He couldn't get Elena's face out of his mind, her tear streaked face, the horror in her dark eyes, eyes that held secrets of secrets, lies and truths that he would never unravel, things that Damon _had, _that _Damon _had understood. The words that his vampire ears had picked up before he'd found them. _Because I love you, _she'd argued. _Because you love me._

Stefan knew that Damon loved her. He'd known that for a long time-but had only began to accept that he might love her as much as he had. Just yesterday he'd yelled at her about how she'd continually ripped his heart out…it seemed moronic to deny he loved her after what had happened between them, after Rebekah had compelled him to admit that what Elena had said had hurt him, after he'd asked her to take all of the memories of them together away, to make them disappear for good. After he'd recognized the blatant disbelief in her eyes—the inability to believe that he could truly want that; could truly want to forget her—and how he had felt about her—for the rest of eternity.

But for that love to be requited? That was an entirely different matter. That meant that it was no longer meaningless. It meant that Elena had moved on, that she'd grown out of their relationship, that…that she loved someone else. That she loved her brother, of all people. That she didn't love _him. _

He didn't care about her anymore, he told himself, but it was to no avail. With her right in front of him, with that familiar air about her, it was impossible to deny that she didn't shake him to his core. Maybe it was because he still loved her. Maybe it was because he knew that he owed her—owed her for not giving up on him, for being his hope…for convincing him that there was hope. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because the thought of the past repeating himself, the thought of Elena belonging to Damon, of her relying on him and holding him and _loving _him was worse of all.

"I need to see him, Stefan," Elena said, voice deadpan with a twinge of annoyance as well as an underlying tone of frailty. Her patience for Stefan was long gone, and that was the only thing that mattered, the only thing that he'd notice.

Damon? He noticed everything about her.

She tried to get past him again, only to have him stop her—_again. _

He looked mildly pleased about what he had to say next—or at the very least apathetic. "Well, you can't. He's just going to ask you to let him out."

She sighed, frustration clear on her face. "I'm not going to let him out."

"You'd have no choice. You're sired."

Elena looked away, refusing to look at him or acknowledge that he was right. So instead, she opted to change the subject to something that had been nagging at her, something that hurt her every time she thought about it because even if she wasn't in love with him anymore—and she was certain she wasn't—Rebekah was bad news and the thought of anyone she cared about getting close to her sent waves of resentment through her. It didn't matter that once she had felt sorry for Rebekah, had felt like she'd understood her. After all, they'd both lost their parents, both lost their families—people they cared about. At the end of the day she was a desperate, _lonely _girl who'd lost too many people too young—but for all intents and purposes, it was completely irrelevant now. Rebekah had tried to kill her on many different occasions—and if anyone hadn't noticed—had succeeded.

"Stefan, what are you doing with Rebekah? She tried to kill me."

Something flashed in his eyes—anger. Irritation. "Well, this would be what? The second time Damon has tried to kill Jeremy? I guess neither of us is perfect."

Ouch. She refused to stoop to his level, to defend Damon like she wanted to. She wanted to say that that had happened a long time ago, that Damon was different now…because he was. She _knew _he was. And what had happened tonight? That was in no way his fault…and Stefan had no right to bring that up, especially when he'd seen how it had affected her. No right at all.

Or well, she thought she had. "He told Jeremy to kill him. He would've rather died than hurt Jeremy, and you know it. He would've rather died than… than hurt me! You don't get to act like that was his fault; that he was selfish. What happened tonight…"

The rational part of his brain knew that she was right. What had happened tonight _hadn't _been Damon's fault, as much as it killed him to admit it. But because he refused to back down, his mouth was moving before he fully realized what he was saying. "And I wouldn't have. Right. Because I'm selfish and horrible and you don't love me anymore." He leaned closer, getting in her face. "But a year ago? A couple months ago? You never would've left Jeremy with _him _in the first place."

That stung. It was so similar to what Matt had told her…but was it true? Maybe. But it hadn't changed the fact that she trusted Damon and she trusted that even if he didn't do things the way she did, he always had her best interests in mind and never would've let anything hurt Jeremy, at least anything that was in his control. He'd proved that tonight. She imagined him laying there, a bullet in his chest. His breathing nonexistent, his lightly tanned skin pale, his gorgeous blue eyes lifeless and cold inside. Pushing that horrible image from her mind she met Stefan's gaze unflinchingly. "Are you trying to punish me? I've apologized over and over again…Stefan, I don't know what else I can do… what else you want me to do."

A haunted look crossed her face and then left, leaving him even more annoyed than before. "Do whatever the hell you want, Elena."

This wasn't like Stefan… this wasn't who he was and she knew it. "You're hurt. You're hurt, and you're lashing out. This isn't you, Stefan."

Stefan shook his head, feeling drained. "You don't know who I am anymore, Elena. You don't know what I look like when I'm not in love with you."

Elena looked away and then back, unable to believe what he'd just said.

"I'll let Damon know you stopped by."

With nothing left to say, she left.

Damon wasn't positive if he was awake or not.

He couldn't be, because Elena was with him, cuddled up against his side, face peaceful, soft snores escaping her. His arms were tight around her, her skin warm against his.

But then, he felt the throbbing spread throughout his body and knew that it was a dream after all. His eyes slowly opened, his long lashes fluttering delicately. Instead of seeing her he saw Stefan leaning against the cell's wall, fiddling with a stake, face slightly smug. "You bled me out?" Damon asked, voice disbelieving.

"Yeah, I didn't really have much of a choice. Kol's compulsion is still in effect, so you need to stay locked up. We don't have any vervain, so this was the only way I could weaken you."

Damon tried to sit up, coughing, feeling as if he were on fire. "You seem real torn up about it," he observed drily. "Shouldn't we be going after Kol and making him decompell me?" His breathing was hard to come by and it seemed that no matter how many times he inhaled, he still couldn't get enough air.

"Sure. That sounds easy enough, Damon. I'll get right on that."

He finally gave up and lay back down, coughing again. "At least let me see Elena."

Stefan went on to tell him why he couldn't, giving him all the same reasons he'd given Elena, voice just as indifferent and agitated. And then he was gone, leaving Damon alone to the night, to the fire.

Elena couldn't believe the things that Stefan had said, but it didn't matter. She didn't care—not anymore. Right now she didn't care about Stefan or anything else—only Damon. She wanted him. She wanted to see him, to hold him…just to talk to him in general. Wanted to hear him come up with witty quips and tell her that everything would be okay, to whisper dirty things in her ear—_anything _to stop the thoughts she was thinking now. The treacherous thoughts that she, Elena Gilbert, had no right to be thinking.

This wasn't what she was. This wasn't what she did. She didn't make plans; she didn't try and find ways to kill. She wasn't a warrior. She wasn't a vampire.

Elena Gilbert was a human girl, a girl wrapped up in a mess that she'd never wanted. She was the daughter of Miranda and Grayson Gilbert, of John and Isobel. Sister to Jeremy Gilbert. Niece of Jenna. The closest thing that Alaric Saltzman had ever had to a daughter.

Yet...that wasn't who she was. Not anymore. She couldn't be that person anymore.

And as she considered, thought about it more and more, she realized that that was okay. She didn't need to be that person anymore. She _was_ a vampire, a vampire who had used to be human, a vampire who still was daughter of Miranda and Grayson Gilbert, of John and Isobel, who was sister to Jeremy Gilbert, Jenna Summer's niece, the closest thing Alaric had ever had to a daughter. She was still the girl whose parents had died.

Which was why she felt little to no guilt about what she was planning—one thought about Damon lying in that cell, decaying; made sure of that. And why she had no qualms admitting that maybe, just maybe, it was _her _turn to be selfish.

"When is it going to stop, Elena? Klaus won't stop. How many is it going to take? Ten? A hundred? How many people have to die?" Jeremy exclaimed, pacing back in forth across the kitchen floor as Elena watched him nervously, leaning against the kitchen counter.

She deliberated that, sympathy all she could feel for her brother. "If you kill one original, hundreds of vampires die. Thousands. Hundreds of thousands. Kol compelled Damon to kill you."

Ideas were coming together and she felt…powerful. For the first time in her life she felt like she was in charge, like _she _was going to make something happen. It was stupid and reckless and probably immature, but she was going to do it. She was going to set Damon free—like he'd set her free. She owed it to him—she owed him so much.

You never really forgot the face of someone who was your last hope.

"So you're going to kill Kol instead," she continued finally, placing her hands on Jeremy's shoulders.

"We are going to survive this, Jer."

And she was going to make damned sure that Damon did to.

**(Hey guys (: Thank you so much for reading another chapter. I really appreciate it! I'm sooo excited for Thursday and hope that there's more Delena… It seems like every time I really expect something nothing happens though :(**

**HassanaR: Thank you! :D**

**DEstiny4eva: love your name and here you go :D Thank you!**

**Grandma406: Me to! Thanks for reading :D IKR.. DAMON HAS TO LIVE… honestly he's like the only reason I watch the show.**

**Thank you everyone for reading, favoriting, following, and of course, reviewing :DDD You guys are PERFECT! PLEASE REVIEW AGAIN (: )**


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days passed without much event.

Elena and Jeremy hadn't made much progress—well, actually none at all, which did nothing to help rid themselves of the remorse and guilt they both carried with them all the time.

Every second that ticked by resulted in Elena growing progressively anxious—not only were they losing precious time but she kept picturing Damon there lying in that harsh cell, his body quickly deteriorating…him suffering…It was enough to make even _her _lose confidence in this wild, rash, and quite impulsive plan that she never really had been all that sure would work. She wanted to see him so desperately that she felt it in every part of her body—it was like he was _in _her.

The time passed in painful rhythms and lulls, but pass it did.

The Originals were discreet, with an exception of Rebekah—well, via Caroline babble anyway. She'd aversely shared that after Elena and Stefan had fought that night he'd visited Rebekah and they'd slept together, much to her consternation. Elena was filled with disbelief more than anything, paired with all the underlying emotions she hated that she felt: anger, resentment, hurt. Jealousy—not because of Stefan but because he could be with _her _of all people while she couldn't even see Damon; couldn't talk to him, couldn't look at him, couldn't touch him.

It didn't seem fair.

She told Caroline that Stefan was free to do whatever he wanted—which he was—after Caroline had gone on and on about how they were both in denial and how they surely could work through the scar tissue her sire bond with Damon had caused—supporting her theory of how Elena's "epic love" was Stefan and _would always be_ Stefan. Damon was just a phase (she was just a victim of the sire bond) and in the end, _Stefan _would be the one who she woke up to, the one she loved. It made her livid—that she couldn't deny. Even _Bonnie_ had been accepting of her relationship with Damon—kind of—but Caroline just couldn't understand that she loved Damon, that a part of her had _always _loved Damon. And she couldn't make her. She couldn't explain how utterly _alive _he made her feel, how he changed her. She couldn't explain that without him near she felt like she'd lost a limb, like she couldn't quite breathe right. Like she was trying to breathe through these ruptured, corrupted lungs, lungs that couldn't fully expand without him.

* * *

Jeremy noticed the change in her. He noticed the dark circles under her chocolate eyes and the determined, almost frazzled air about her. Nothing he said could help, and as hard as he tried she remained distant, lost in a land where dangerous plots were all she had. "Hey," he'd said once, stopping her halfway to the living room noticing a tear on her cheek. He put his large hands on her shoulders, forcing her to meet his eyes. "We're going to get through this. Same as always."

"Nothing is the same," she countered, voice stiff, heavy with emotion. "Everything is different. Everyone is leaving and everyone is _dying_. We're changing, Jer. Everyone is. I'm doing things that I never would've done… and so are you. We aren't the same people our parents raised. And we're _kids_, Jer! We're supposed to be kids…but we aren't. I am a vampire…you're a vampire _hunter. Nothing _is the same."

It took him awhile to know how to respond—mostly because all of it was true. Finally, he figured it out, hugging her tightly. "It's good to be scared, sis." He hadn't called her that in a long time—not since before she'd become a vampire. "It means you still have something to lose."

"I'm not even really your sister, Jeremy… Not anymore."

"You're always going to be my sister, Elena. _Always."_

Elena thought about Damon. About Bonnie and Caroline and Matt and Stefan and everyone else she cared about that still remained. And then about her brother. She still had him.

They would survive—it was what she'd said to Jeremy a week ago, before she'd begun to lose faith. They _always _survived. It was what she'd told Damon, too.

* * *

_I miss him, _Elena thought sadly, feeling utterly and completely hopeless. Logic told her that being a vampire amplified her every emotion, but she couldn't help but think that even as a human and free of the sire bond she'd feel all the same. There we good parts to being a vampire and then there were the bad parts. These were the bad parts. _All the time I miss him. It's not waves. It's constant. All the time. _

Everything is intensified as a vampire, she knew. _When we hurt, we really hurt, but when we love… _Wasn't that what Lexi had said?

_Screw it, _she muttered quietly-not sure if it was out loud or in her head-pulling out her phone. She knew she couldn't call him, couldn't talk to him…but she _could_, however, burden his inbox. She could get rid of the feelings that were tearing her up inside.

Elena dialed his number.

Damon didn't answer—she hadn't expected him to.

"_You've reached Damon Salvatore! Congratulations!" _His voice suggested that she'd just won an Oscar. Hearing his voice felt a lot like she had. _ "If I don't answer it's either—obviously-because I can't, or just don't want to talk to you. You know what to do and when to do it. I…might…call you back. It all depends on who you are and why the hell you're calling me. Have a doomed day!"_ She couldn't help but smile. It was typical Damon.

"_Hey," _She breathed, voice soft. _I doubt you'll get this, but I miss you, Damon. I miss you so much. It's been only a week and I feel like I'm just…falling apart. But it's going to be okay, Damon, because I love you and I have a plan. Hold on. I'm going to set _you _free._

It was supposed to only be one message, and then two, and then three…she lost count. Losing herself in the relief of unburdening her feelings—like writing in her journal. But for the first time ever, she didn't want to write them down. She wanted to share them—and there was only one person she wanted to share them with.

He never responded to these messages—either because he didn't get them or because he was afraid that he'd slip and tell her to set him free, she didn't know.

But then he did.

_Stefan must have felt sorry for me, because he agreed to text you for me. I can't say all of the things I want to say, can't tell you all of the things that I'm feeling, but I know I will be able to soon. Don't do anything stupid. I love you. I miss you. _

_This is our time._

The fact that Stefan had done this astonished her, and she had enough good sense to push the irritation she'd felt at him away long enough to feel grateful, because the fact that he'd done this meant so much to her. It meant that he'd pushed aside his feelings…it meant that maybe someday they could be friends. _Thank you, Stefan._

The message gave her hope, hope that filled her up that spread throughout her veins, hope that kept her heart beating. It was everything. She remembered the night they'd shared in bits and pieces, bits and pieces where she'd sworn that they were _infinite. _It was everything. It was nothing.

It was all she had.

The message also made her laugh softly, almost bitterly, because she was fairly certain that what she was planning _was_ indeed stupid. Then her phone rang, something that seemed kind of ironic seeing as she'd just put it away. Bonnie's familiar face appeared on the screen.

"Hey Bon," she said, smiling in spite of herself.

"Hey," Bonnie answered. "How are you?"

She wasn't sure how to answer that. "I'm… alright. Where are you?"

"I told Caroline that I'd take her place at the Decade Dance prep but none of the rest of you showed."

_Damn it. _Elena picked up a bowl full of popcorn that had been lazily left on the dining table as she watched her brother and Matt yell at the TV as if it were Super bowl Sunday as they shot at god only knew what. If anything, she was grateful that Jer was getting some normality in his life, albeit a twinge of annoyance that they had to fight in the supernatural world _and _in video games. "I'm sorry," she said, voice sincere. "I had to though. I've got Jeremy under house arrest because Kol wants to kill him and Klaus wants to take him on some vampire slaying road trip. And since neither of them are invited in… it's the only place I can keep him safe."

Bonnie accepted that, readjusting the phone to her ear. "Why does it sound like you're under fire?"

"Apparently I'm living in a fraternity house now," she said, voice a lot more annoyed than she really was. Their fun was the only thing to distract her from missing and worrying about Damon—not that it helped much—since she'd decided to give Stefan some peace from her constant voicemails, all of which consisted of her saying that she loved Damon and that she missed him and a million other things that she felt it was cruel to share with him and things that were truthfully only meant for _Damon'_s ears.

Jeremy turned around , peering over at her over the couch. "I'm training," he said, as if it were the most righteous reason in the world. Secretly, he was glad that Elena had some more perk in her step and light in her eyes, something she'd lacked until this morning.

"Me to," Matt agreed, laughing.

Pretending that Kol _didn't _want to kill her brother and that Damon _wasn't _locked in a cell desiccating she put on a façade of a stern mother. "Train yourselves to do some dishes." Jeremy had already gone back to the game, which left Matt looking about at her with an almost innocent and amused look on his face. "And put away these weapons before _someone _decides to use one of them on me." Earning a silent thumbs up she turned around, Bonnie's voice bringing her back to the matter at hand.

"Well it's kind of hard for me to enjoy dance prep while you're _trapped _in this house," Bonnie answered.

Preparing to tell her and visualizing a drum roll, Elena's face sobered, phone propped up against her ear. "Listen to this: I have a plan to put an end to all of this. I want Jeremy to kill Kol."

"You want him to _kill _an Original?"

"Think about it. The whole sire line must stretch to the moon by now. That means that whoever he's turned—not to mention who theyhave turned will die. Which means the hunters' mark will be complete and we'll have our key to finding the cure."

Bonnie considered this and then just nodded, brushing her hair out of her face. "I'm on my way. Do you think Caroline will notice if there are only eighty nine balloons?"

Elena laughed at that. "Actually probably yes."

And then they started planning.

* * *

Damon's ice blue eyes flashed in her mind as she dialed Kol's number.

Yes, it was her turn to be selfish. And if it saved her brother _and _her man _and _got them the cure? She'd gladly do it. After all… she had a lot to lose.

* * *

**(A/N: As always, thank you everyone for reviewing. It means SO much to me to get all of your reviews. **

**DEstiny4eva: here you go (: thank you!**

**Hassanna4: Thank you so much :D Yeah.. Stefan REALLY annoys me. I've been trying to not make him COMPLETE jackass in my story just because that would hurt Delena (and I can't bear to hurt Delena!) That punch was SOOO amazing. And so hot. Yeah, definitely hot. –YouTubes- I'm so glad that Damon has stopped feeling sorry for him… yet if Elena had slapped him (like the multiple times she has slapped Damon) it would have been SO much better. **

**Vampfearie: thank you so much :D**

**My 2 guys: thank you so much :D**

**Lindayini973: Thank you so much :D I've been super worried to.. I mean honestly if he died I'd have like no reason to watch the show. But if he did it couldn't be for good and would probably be good for the Delena storyline. I just want Elena to hurt a little and fight for him… I wouldn't complain over a heartfelt moment "NOOO NOT MY DAMON DDD:" or DEx after a beautifully romantic reunion… even though it'd rip my heart out. Ahhhh feels. **

**Ugh I can't wait for this week's episode… **

**Oh guys I saw this adorable picture of Nian at the superbowl… They are so cute. It's amazing that I can have such extreme feelings for a real life couple, LOL. He is so gorgeous… dat's my husband. I hate that I can't even hate her because she's so nice and they're so adorable. Ugh. Anyway… I love you guys!**

**Also… was anyone thinking "That's for hurting Damon!" when Kol almost killed Elena? Call me crazy but… THAT'S FOR HURTING DAMON!**

**Thank you for reviewing, favoriting, following, etc. I really appreciate it.**

**PLEASE READ AND REVIEW AMAZING PEOPLE! :DDDDD I love talking Vampire Diaries so much, lol. Can you tell?)**


	5. Chapter 5

**(A/N Delena Oneshot Post 4x19, "Pictures of you." Please read and REVIEW! Thank you :))**

Damon Salvatore touched her arm, feeling strangely abandoned and betrayed—how could she do this to him now? Why now, in the cruelest way possible? _Because she lost her brother, _a voice sounding suspiciously like Stefan's ringing through his mind. _Because you didn't save him. _This time it was his own voice—his own guilt. If he could have saved Jeremy, maybe they'd be together now. Maybe somewhere, somehow, she'd be in his bed with his arms wrapped around her. And maybe, just maybe, she would tell him that she loved him, words that he would never grow tired of hearing. Damon wasn't sure if he'd ever hear those words again—if he'd ever know if she'd really meant them; ever know if it was just the sire bond or maybe even temporary insanity. "I guess I was stupid for thinking that I could bring you back." He laughed without humor, staring into her lifeless eyes, eyes that only brightened for seconds at a time-and usually over something sadistic like killing people and dirty dancing in the dark. Damon meant his words—some part of him had thought that his love for her was enough—that whatever she felt for him was enough—but it wasn't. _He _wasn't enough.

Elena Gilbert, in all her good girl gone bad glory turned around, skepticism in her brown eyes as she met his blue ones, something flashing in them. "I loved you once, Damon. The sire bond's gone so I can tell you what I felt. I can tell you that it wasn't a lie." Like most of her words these days they were more seductive than not, but for once there was something else there.

"And how do I know you're not trying to manipulate me?" He asked, trying to shove the fleeting hope in his heart back down before it turned him into a blithering idiot. It didn't really matter anyway—she was saying that she once had loved him, not that she did now. Not that she ever would again.

She laughed then, choosing to ignore his question—possibly because she _was _trying to manipulate him. "You look at me like you can save me with those pretty blue eyes," Elena said with surprise, a quick flash of something in her eyes—a flash so quick he determined that he must have imagined it—and then nothing as they faded to black. The way she said it—with no feeling at all, stunned him. She might as well have been trying to convince him to order pizza instead of Chinese food with the amount of emotion in her eyes. He'd been trying to give her space after so long, but all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and press his lips to hers…to try and _make _her feel something.

"Maybe I'm the one who needs saving," Damon answered—for once, telling the truth, telling her how he felt, even if it was through a message left for her to decipher. These days, he felt like he was the one who needed saving, saving from himself—his heart that refused to stop loving her. He would always love her, even if she was a monster, even if she never returned that love. He would always hold on to that night when she'd first told him that she'd loved him, that fantasy of how her eyes had lit up with that realization.

He finally gave in barring any more hesitation, cupping her face in his hands and pulling her close to him, his lips on hers, sweltering and zealous. Elena kissed him back, and for a second it felt the same as it had that night that they'd given in to each other, full of love and lust and fight and fervor—the kind that made it clear that they were the only person you were supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. That thing, that moment where the world around you became hazy and the only thing in focus was you and that person. The hardest habit to break and the most difficult to satisfy. Damon knew that he'd done it for all the wrong reasons—not just to show her how he felt but because he _could. _Still, it was wonderful, filled with release—he couldn't bring himself to regret it.

But then it was over, all too fast. Elena brushed her lips against his seductively, in a way that was both sexy and daring. He could feel her warm breath touch his skin and see the way her body curved under her gorgeous prom dress, caressing all the right places. She leaned in, as if she was telling him a secret. "I feel nothing for you, Damon," Elena said, her sweet voice almost teasing. "I _am _just trying to manipulate you, you lovesick fool. You are right. You can't save me." She paused for a second. "It was always Stefan all along…"

_It was always Stefan all along…_

And then she was gone. Damon stared after her longingly, trying to comprehend the agony that was suddenly ripping through him at her words. _She doesn't sound like Katherine, _he thought. _She should sound like Katherine. _But she didn't, and that was worse. It wasn't Katherine, it was _Elena. _She was the one saying and doing these things. It wasn't Katherine's taunting voice…it was something entirely different.

Damon tried to control his face, but when Bonnie glanced over at him with a look of sympathy, he knew he'd failed. They watched Elena walk across the room and fall right into his brother's arms, her lips brushing against his as light as a whisper, almost like an invitation. "She…" Bonnie began in disbelief, "she's _gone._" He couldn't nod in agreement, couldn't write Elena off, couldn't tear his eyes off her…and couldn't convince himself that it was a dream, either, because he finally had his answer, he finally knew that without a doubt that he was _not _enough to bring her back. He'd never been enough for her. For the rest of his life he would be the impulsive vampire in love with his brother's girl…and she was gone. Completely and eternally gone. _I feel nothing for you, Damon._

Elena Gilbert would never come back to him because for her, after all she'd—they'd—been through, it was just better not to feel. It was easier that way.

xxx

Elena couldn't take anymore. She couldn't stand to see the pain in Damon's blue eyes or the hope in Stefan's, hopes that she would come back and love him like she loved Damon, or had loved Damon. Damon was an entirely different matter altogether—she'd seen him watching her with those eyes, seen the agony in them. Elena had known that he'd been repeating her words all night, repeating her lies in his head until there was no chance of saving either of them. He'd kissed her with such passion, such fire…how could she feel nothing from that?

As soon as she'd been given a chance, she'd fled. She stood in the cemetery, her long, flowing fuchsia dress touching the ground and getting stained by the grass—not that she cared. Elena wasn't sure what she was doing here, but here she was anyway. She tried to make sense of her head, but everything was jumbled; it felt like she was falling. Falling…falling…falling… Falling with each time she hurt her friends; the only people she had left to care about, falling with each time she came to the realization that she'd done something unforgivable. Falling when she realized that none of them would ever forgive her, even if she did what they asked; _Damon _would never forgive her.

"You were supposed to be here!" Elena shouted, the outburst not doing anything to dampen the boiling emotions in her—emotions that she tried to shove back down. She didn't want to feel—she was _so _done with feeling. She wanted to stay how she was—calm in control. But tonight's events had her feeling anything _but _in control and that was the problem—she _was_ feeling. She was feeling pain and anger and most of all, guilt. Oh, the guilt. Guilt for how she'd treated Damon, the unforgiveable things she'd said. Guilt for playing with Stefan. Trying to kill Caroline. Bonnie. All the people she'd killed and played with, as if they were all her pawns. And most of all, guilt for not saving Jeremy in the first place, for failing him. "You were supposed to take care of us," she said, her voice quieter now. Tears started running down her cheeks and she clasped her abdomen to soften the pain, but it didn't work.

The curls in her hair had fallen out considerably, and the black makeup she'd put on earlier covered her face from the moisture. The pain worsened when she read the name on the tombstone: Alaric Saltzman. _Alaric Saltzman was loved, _it'd said, a series of dates below it. "And now, Jeremy's dead and it's my fault, and I hurt Damon—God, I knew exactly what to say and did it for no reason at all, just out of spite. I was angry at him for holding on to me, for hoping… I had to make him give up because I'm _not _coming back. And Caroline and Bonnie…I don't want to be like this anymore." Her words were hysterical, most of it not making sense. They ran together and went off in slurs, and none of it relieved her. It didn't matter how much of her she revealed—none of it mattered. "My parents are dead. Jenna's dead. _You're_ dead. _Jeremy's _dead. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to be alone, Ric…" She felt it all coming back. She felt _alive. _And it hurt. It hurt _so _badly.

Elena couldn't blame her parents. They'd been gone before any of this started—they hadn't left her in a world like this. She couldn't even blame Jenna or John who hadn't had the time to stay with her. But Alaric she could because he'd made the choice to die, he'd made the choice to leave her. Of course, the universe had said it hadn't been his choice after all, but he'd still chosen to leave them. Her and _Jeremy. _If he'd still been here, maybe Jer wouldn't have died. If he'd still been here, maybe she wouldn't have been so alone.

"Elena," someone said in the darkness, his voice familiar—and kind. Before her eyes something materialized that scarcely made sense, had no rhyme or reason. It was impossible, yet it was what she saw. _He _was what she saw. Tears were falling faster now, and her mouth opened, but she couldn't speak.

Damon suddenly appeared, his light eyes filled with kindness and also sadness. Pain. He looked so sad, so devastated. Elena began trembling, beginning to lose it. "Damon?" She asked, her voice broken, thick with emotion and pain.

Elena found solace in his arms—they did not speak, didn't ask any questions, just let themselves…be. It felt completely natural, and even though she had no reason to believe that he would ever forgive her or that anything would ever be okay again, for just a second, a small, fraction of a second she felt safe. Safe no one from whatever she was feeling, safe from the world around her… safety in a way that no one else could give her.

And even though both of their hearts were so distant from one another, somehow they were still underneath the same moon—and that was enough.

**(R&R!)**


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